Have you ever thought about how many things need to be ‘just so’ in order for you to feel you’re having a good day? If you did would you have a long list, or would it be just a few things? Granted, expectations would vary depending on the day but taking your average kind-of-day into account, what needs to be in play whereby your ‘A-OK’ box is ticked?
Personally, I have concluded that the fewer things I need to be happy about in order for life to be ok, the greater the sense of wellbeing. Less inner resistance to things that simply do not matter, means less energy wasted and a more balanced state.
Things we don’t like or have resistance to, we often feel the need to complain about, fix or find answers for. Whilst some of these are valid ie ‘I can’t stand my job and need out’, many are pointless. Have you noticed how much cultural complaining goes on about Mondays, January, the weather? Because everyone else is doing it, it feels normal.
Whilst it may appear harmless enough, it’s actually racking up our criteria of variables for contentment or personal happiness that will likely add fuel to the fire of negativity on a bad day.
The antidote isn’t to speak positive all over it or pretend we’re not bothered if we really are ticked off (about another rainy day), but to choose what’s really worth ruffling our feathers over and, therefore what we give energy to.
Being grateful for all we have is a good place to start as it puts a lot of our ‘reasons to complain’ into perspective.
Recently, in a ‘meh’ moment, I was feeling uncharacteristically down and uninspired by life. I knew why I was low and that my feelings of ‘meh’ were feelings which normally I would want to move on from swiftly. A former me would have done all it could to get out of that moment, seeing it as a negative state. Knowing now that this only serves to escape the emotion temporarily, I decided I could recognise and accept the fact I felt crap and let it be despite the fact I didn’t want to feel the uncomfortableness of it.
Challenging myself to ask better questions of late, I simply asked: “what would it take for me to feel ok right now”?
Though it felt really elementary, taking pen to paper I wrote:
“When do I feel great?”
“What does it take for me to feel empowered?”
Among my answers to these questions were: crushing it in personal development, having a strong body, helping clients, listening to music, and having variety in my days and weeks (where every day doesn’t look the same – which it can). The process didn’t take long, I stopped, switched to finishing a blog post and then realised I already felt significantly better. The difference was so palpable – it was almost a shock.
Had I even answered what it would take for me to feel ok? It didn’t matter, shining the light of conscious thought on my gloom had transmuted the discontent and moved me forward.
It hadn’t taken much for me to feel ok; a change in state achieved by the courage to be vulnerable with myself.
Not all discontent is equal. Some issues are deeper situations that do need addressing with ‘am I going to change it, leave it or accept it?’, but often it’s just a feeling of being stuck in the moment.
Next time you’re in a funk, rather than pondering what’s wrong in an attempt to fix it (which isn’t helpful when you don’t know what’s wrong), maybe try considering the other side of the coin by asking, ‘what do I need in order to feel ok right now?’ and see what answers you get.