Our self worth is never determined by others; we are not enough when they validate us or tell us how good they think we are. We are always enough.
(v) Recognize or affirm the validity or worth of (a person or their feelings or opinions); cause (a person) to feel valued or worthwhile.
To one degree or another, we all seek validation for our most predominant efforts and understandably so. For some it may be from family or friends; for others, it is our work or hobby. Conditioned since birth, we learn: you do the thing, you do it right, you get the reward, you feel good – and so the cycle repeats.
Validation Of What You Are Putting Out There vs. Validation Of You.
The opportunities we have today to self-promote mean there are larger numbers of people unknowingly seeking validation from others than ever before. Not too many years since, we did not have the access to vast numbers of people that we do today on the internet and via social media. Consequently, it’s opened up a whole new validation market. Whether we realise it or not, real-time feedback provides an instant hit of dopamine and we are validated for our efforts.
Whilst the blessing of this technology is access to connection with far more people than ever before, the curse is that many are unknowingly trading validation that really matters for an illusory hit.
The lines get blurred when we see non-validation of what we are putting out there as non-validation of us personally and ulitmately, our worth.
Your Stuff & Your Self
Where there is a bigger picture such as website hits, sign-ups or new followers and we really want people to see our stuff, those likes and comments matter! It is so frustrating when, for whatever reason, that doesn’t happen especially with no obvious reasons as to why. Here’s how to keep that internal balance: Separate your content from your self.
Whilst posting content of our home or family it’s worthwhile remembering that any snapshot we post of our lives, is just that – a fixed point in time, captured and explained in a few lines. It is not the whole motion-picture and it is certainly not representative of the quantum of unique qualities that make us freaking amazing!
You are not your stuff, so if the post bombs, you don’t need to take the hit personally. When you feel that frustration, ask your self: “am I looking for validation of my content, or of my self?”
Self-validation means we can be free of the emotional associations of needing to meet the expectations of others. It means a quiet, inner peace and deep-rooted confidence in who we are whether we are celebrated or not and it all starts with believing we are enough.